To quote my friend Katie Zornes, “we can do hard things.”
Katie is quite the inspiration and if you ever need some motivation to get off your couch and into the gym, the pool, or onto the track, check out her awesome TikTok account @tri_ing_to_live. If you don’t have a TikTok account, learn more about her story in her interview with Good Morning America or this recent article for Team USA. Katie is one of those special people who is changing the world for the better just by being her most authentic self.
Katie has had an impact on me. I hear her voice in my head frequently when I’m doing something that feels difficult or when I want to give up. “We can do hard things,” repeated over and over in my brain while I was learning to surf last week. Getting tossed around and knocked off the board, wave after wave. You can read about that wild but confidence-boosting experience, here.
This recent surfing adventure got me thinking about many people in my life who have inspired me to go for things that I’ve wanted to do, but fear stopped me in my tracks.
Story time. This is from 2021 but it’s one of my favorites.
Dave Fraser and the 2019 NYC Marathon
I returned to NYC in November 2019 to visit a friend and noticed one of the many billboards promoting the marathon that weekend. When I lived in NYC from 2012-2018, I would walk a few blocks from my apartment to 4th Ave in Brooklyn to watch the race. It is one of my favorite events to watch live. It feels as if all of humanity is rowing the boat in the same direction for once. The runners have trained many hours and logged many miles to participate in this event. They are pushing themselves and encouraging each other along the way. The crowd, ah the crowd, it’s one of the best I’ve ever seen at a sporting event. The homemade signs, the noise makers, the balloons, the cheering, the high-fives to runners as they pass by, etc. Oh, I’m about to cry just typing these words. It’s such a beautiful moment between humans. Everyone wants everyone to succeed. It’s the best of humanity.
After watching the race in 2012, I wanted to be a runner in the New York City marathon but there was one catch. I’m not a runner. In fact, I don’t enjoy running – at all. Hate is a strong word but I’d be okay placing it in front of the word running.
But then in 2019, a man named Dave Fraser changed my life. Oh, he didn’t know it at the time. Heck, he didn’t even know I existed. But I knew Dave and I knew the exact moment he altered my thoughts about running in the NYC marathon.
I told my friend Maxine who I was visiting about the race that Sunday and said we should go. She didn’t seem too interested at first but I persuaded her with my over-the-top enthusiasm and love for this event. So at about 10 am we hopped on the subway and went to 4th Avenue and Flatbush in Brooklyn – near my old apartment. I always liked watching from this spot because there is a band and a TV camera so the runners and the crowd are at the top of their game. We made our way through the heaps of people up to the barricade to watch the runners. Immediately we were both overcome with emotions from the energy of the event. It makes me cry just standing still in the chaos. It is that powerful.
We were watching and cheering on the runners, taking photos, reading the funny and encouraging signs, and just enjoying the sunny day when I noticed a guy coming our way and pushing himself backward in a wheelchair. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I watched him as he rolled by in front of us. Then I noticed two people walking with him and telling him where to go to avoid potholes and water cups on the street. One guy held a sign that said Dave Fraser – 12th NYC Marathon (or something like that). I took a quick video because I knew this guy had to have a story somewhere on the internet and I wanted to look him up. I also knew at that moment that I would be in the 2020 NYC marathon.
Okay, obviously everyone knows that I wasn’t in the 2020 marathon. Damn you, COVID. But I did go back to Maxine’s apartment that day and look up Dave. What I discovered was incredible. He was born with Cerebral Palsy. Ironically enough, I have an older sister with the same condition so I felt an instant connection with him. I have seen firsthand the daily struggles Cerebral Palsy causes in a person’s life. So doing a marathon was no easy feat. The articles I found also mentioned that the reason he started racing – and finishing – in 2007 was that his wife, Nora, had stomach cancer and it was his way of honoring her. Thankfully, she has been in remission since 2008. What a beautiful thing to do for someone you love. I liked this guy immediately.
Well, this sealed the deal for me. I thought if Dave is doing the marathon in a wheelchair, I can do it too…even if I’m not a runner. By Dave being the best Dave he could be, he inspired me to be the best Emily I could be – even if that meant walking parts of the marathon. I didn’t need to win the damn thing. I just needed to have fun and do the hard thing that I had dreamed of doing instead of sitting on the sidelines watching others do it. “We can do hard things.” I needed to put my fears on the back shelf and Dave was just the guy to help me do that.
I signed up to raise money and race in 2020 in honor of St. Jude. I love that charity so it was extra motivation. Unfortunately, the race was canceled due to the pandemic but they did allow runners to roll over to one of the next three years; 2021, 2022, or 2023. I was not about to push this thing out any longer – I didn’t want to lose my momentum so I chose 2021.
I started researching over the winter. I read books and articles about running. I wanted to know as much as I could. I downloaded a training calendar and slowly began my training in May 2021 by walking and jogging. Then in June, I got some bad news. At a checkup, the doctor noticed a pinhead spot of melanoma cancer on my neck. This event surprisingly halted all activity due to minor surgery.
Set back number one. Down for the count but not out.
While I was on the “no activity” plan for two weeks I got restless and decided to go hike another El Camino de Santiago in Spain. I’m not good a sitting still. I had done a Camino once before in 2018 but I felt I needed it again after this scare with melanoma. So I booked a flight to Madrid for a few weeks later, grabbed my hiking gear out of storage, and left in July. I figured hiking 500 miles in 30 days would keep me in good enough shape for running a marathon…I mean, after all, the Camino is not a sprint.
I did the Camino and along the way, I met a lovely Italian man and we hit it off so well while hiking I went to Florence Italy for a month so we could spend more time together. While I was there I bought a pair of running shoes and returned to my training schedule for the marathon. Unfortunately, while I was there I had a minor bike accident. Nothing major, or so I thought. We rode our bicycles to the grocery store one day and when I went to put my foot down on the curb in front of the store I missed it and the bike toppled onto my right knee. It didn’t hurt or show any signs of injury. I actually laughed about it, went shopping, and rode the bike back to the apartment. I didn’t notice a thing wrong until two days later. I ran my scheduled 15 miles in the city park and when I got out of the shower afterward, I notice my knee was the size of a cantaloupe. It was full of fluid. I panicked…and was confused. I didn’t feel any pain (yet) but I decided to stop running until I could get it looked at in two weeks when I was back in the States.
Set back number two. Down even longer but still not out.
Conclusion. I had twisted my knee and had a case of Bursitis. I was told to stop running completely. I was crushed. The doctor and I had a long talk about the situation and my dream of completing the marathon. I’d come too far to give up. It was already delayed because of COVID and now this. I wouldn’t quit. So. We compromised. I would not train for the remaining month and a half prior to the race but I could “participate” in the marathon as long as I wore a knee brace and stopped when I needed a break. And when the race was over, I was to rest, rest, rest for a long time. No running or long walks/hikes. Only swimming.
Deal. And a handshake.
As a side note, this is how I ended up at the KC Jewish Community Center where I met more inspiring people. You can read about that wonderful experience, here. Just when you think something is the worst thing to happen to you, it brings you to something even more beautiful than you could imagine.
So on race day, I was nervous. I knew I wasn’t in my best shape both with the knee and my endurance but I remembered Dave and Katie – “we can do hard things.” I know some people will judge this and tell me I could have ruined my knee for life. Yes, I know, I asked all of those questions and the doc did not feel like I would ruin it from this one event. So I kept going – with caution.
The race started and I was doing fairly well until I hit mile marker 12. The knee was done. I was actually hobbling. Thankfully, one of my friends was at that mile to see me and give me a high-five. So seeing Karolina’s face and receiving her big hug gave me a little bump in the motivation department. My friend Linda from KC came to the marathon as well to support me but unfortunately, I missed her somewhere along the way…but I knew she was there encouraging me too. Angels and heroes are everywhere if you look around.
I had three goals in mind at the start of the race.
1. Have fun.
2. Cross the finish line.
3. Find the man, Dave Fraser, that inspired me to sign up for the race and tell him the impact he had on a complete stranger.
My progress was slow, very slow, after mile 13. I was not only struggling physically but mentally. I even cried at one point. It was such an emotional day. But I wanted to keep going. I wanted to accomplish the three goals I set out to do that day. I wasn’t having too much fun so I changed the music and tried to focus my mind on the positive while remembering Katie’s mantra – “we can do hard things.” I wasn’t sure I would get to meet Dave but I was going to cross that finish line even if it took me all night.
It was dark and most of the runners were finished for the day. I was roughly at the 23rd mile on 5th avenue by Central Park when I looked up and I saw him. I saw Dave pushing himself backward in his wheelchair. Emotions overwhelmed me. I went running up to him and said through tears, “you’re the reason I’m here!” He looked at me funny and said, “okay.” I mean what else do you say to some random chick who runs up to you crying and saying things that make no sense? That’s when Mike, one of the guys walking with him said, “are you okay? What’s happening?” Through tears, I explained my story as we walked. I shared how in 2019 I saw them at 4th Ave and Flatbush and how by Dave just being himself, he inspired some random girl in the crowd from Kansas to accomplish a goal that she never thought would really happen. Then he offered to take our photo. Which I was thrilled to take but needed a moment to compose myself. It makes me happy every time I look at it.
Well, after meeting my hero, I wasn’t about to cross the finish line without him. I wanted to get to know more about him, so we talked as we walked the remaining miles and crossed the finish line together. We celebrated with a big hug and a photo together with our medals. It was one of the most difficult and rewarding experiences of my life. We really can do hard things.
At the last mile, I got to meet his wife and sons. They are an absolutely lovely family.
Dave and I still keep in touch from time to time. He is an accountant by trade but also has his own fitness company and trains runners in Central Park. He is my superhero and I’ll always be thankful for that day in November 2019 when he changed my life. And although I’m very fond of Dave, I won’t be participating in any more marathons but I’ll be cheering for him from the sidelines.
I’m so thankful for the Daves and Katies in my life. We all need inspiration every now and again so keep your eyes peeled because you never know when someone from your everyday life will be your next hero or shero.
Goodnight and much love from Australia! 🇦🇺
PS, A few months ago I got a text from Mike with this fantastic video that was recently made about Dave and his team. I hope you’ll check it out to see what a truly inspirational guy he is.
