“I’ve learned you can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things; a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” – Maya Angelou ……I’m adding to this quote, “running out of gas.”
“Emily?” Stephen said quietly. “What are you thinking? Are you mad at me?”
“No. I was just thinking about what an idiot I am for continuing to put myself in these ridiculous situations with you,” I said laughing and shaking my head while thinking of how to get out yet of another sticky situation.
Simon, Stephen’s business partner says I’m in the slow learner category.
For those of you who haven’t read the posts about hiking the Camino del Norte, Stephen has put me in some wild situations – usually, because he wants to cut corners, push the envelope, and/or take a shortcut. Surprisingly nobody has died or ended up in prison, yet.
Stephen and I have been on a 8-day road trip around Queensland, Australia. The purpose of this trip was to visit Stephen’s granddaughter and her family. She and her husband have a three-year-old son and a little eight-month-old daughter (both kids are absolutely scrumptious) who was born while Stephen was overseas on a Camino, so he wanted to meet her. I was just along for the ride but Annaliese (his granddaughter) and I hit it off immediately so I was glad I came. But the road trip to and from their home in Charters Towers was filled with so much drama I’ve had trouble figuring out what to center this post around. Just when I think, “oh, that will be the central focus,” then another bizarre incident happens. So if you are reading this, we or at least I, have returned to the Stella Motel in Yamba alive…and hopefully well.
The following story is completely true but told with a sarcastic and snarky flair…from my perspective.
So much was happening along this journey that I was writing in the car as we drove. Thankfully, Stephen actually stopped the car to take the photo.
Here’s the story…
I was quietly minding my own business and working on a Sudoku puzzle while riding along in the passenger seat. We had about an hour of driving time remaining for that particular day’s drive – Wednesday, Day 6. I noticed Stephen slowed down, shut off the air conditioner, and cracked the windows. I side-eyed the situation and thought, “that’s weird” and went back to my puzzle. It’s his car, so his rules, right?
Well, a few moments later, he softly said, “Emily, we have a little problem.” I probably rolled my eyes. He continued, “we are low on petrol. Can you look on the GPS to see where the next gas station is?” I probably rolled my eyes again. This is not my first rodeo with Stephen and his carelessness. He actually did this exact same thing two weeks ago when we drove out to the middle of nowhere for lunch at a food truck on a beach. When he filled up the tank he had less than a coke can’s worth of gas when we rolled in. Oy Vey!
I looked at the dashboard and yes, the bright, bold orange light was on and the little pointy dial was below the E-line. I grabbed his phone, looked at the map, and realized we were driving through the middle of a National Forest. The next gas station was 55 kilometers (34 miles), 39 minutes away. It was 4:49 pm and the station closed at 6 pm.
I asked him, “Stephen, how long has that little orange light been on?”
“At least 20 minutes.”
I burst out laughing. I mean there is no point in getting upset. We are sitting ducks. Somebody is walking and it ain’t me.
Sweat was running down the side of his head, and it wasn’t only because of the hot air blowing in the cracks of the windows.
He said in a serious tone, “Emily, this isn’t funny. We are in serious trouble.”
We were not in serious trouble.
I said, “we are Camino pilgrims, we can MacGyver our way out of this. Either we (and by we, I meant him) hitch-hike or walk/run when the car stops…but we (again, I mean him) have to be there by 6 pm.”
This felt like it was a rock, paper, scissors situation but I didn’t mention that as an option because I really didn’t want to walk or stick my thumb out for a ride.
He said, “nobody will pick me up, you’re going to have to do the hitchhiking. And don’t worry, they probably won’t be a serial killer.”
To which I replied with my favorite joke about serial killers. On the Camino, many men will say something like, “don’t worry, I’m not a serial killer or anything.” And I reply soberly, “oh good, because the odds of two of us being serial killers would probably be statistically very low.” Then a look of shock beams across their faces. Ha!
We started discussing options for when the pending doom actually happened. 1. There were some crews working on the road – we could stop and ask them to drive one of us to the station and back. Stephen didn’t like this idea. 2. If we did in fact run out of petrol, who would stay with the car, and who would walk? We never got to the bottom of this one.
I started praying privately. I went back to my Catholic roots first and called in all the Angels, Saints, and Jesus and threw in a Hail Mary to hopefully put us over the top…maybe we could coast in downhill. Then I flipped over to my New Age, Woo Woo prayers and asked for and envisioned all our ancestors lined up behind us pushing the car to the gas station. Weird I know but I have such faith in this stuff I was able to believe it and then drop it, knowing we’d be okay.
I became very relaxed about the whole thing and started singing some road trip songs…you know, the classics that would apply to this situation.
“Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waitin’ for a train. When I’s feelin’ near as faded as my jeans. Bobby thumbed a diesel down, just before it rained…” Me and Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin
“….On the road again. Goin’ places that I’ve never been. Seein’ things that I may never see again. And I can’t wait to get on the road again….On the road again. Like a band of gypsies, we go down the highway……” On The Road Again by Willie Nelson
“Truckin’, got my chips cashed in. Keep truckin’, like the do-dah man. Together, more or less in line. Just keep truckin’ on………..What a long, strange trip it’s been.” – Truckin’ by Grateful Dead
Stephen did not find my antics funny but he did appreciate that I wasn’t flipping out and making the situation worse.
But boy was he was stressed.
He had both hands clutching the wheel and kept driving. He repeated, “there just has to be a service station before then. There just has to be.” To which I replied over and over, and louder and louder because he was not getting the message, “We. Are. In. The. Middle. Of. A National. Park. — They don’t allow anything to be built here. Just keep driving.”
More singing. “Roll on highway, roll on along. Roll on, Daddy, “til you get back home. Roll on family, roll on crew….” Roll On by Alabama
We kept driving. And driving. And driving. At least the walk would be shorter the further we drove. Optimism is key in these types of situations.
We noticed a house (it was the only house we would see along the entire 55km) so Stephen said he would go and ask if they had any fuel. Well, we turned into the driveway to discover a not-so-friendly sign that said “No Fuel Available” and that we were under surveillance. Then I noticed a pole with several cameras at the top pointing in all directions. Apparently, we (meaning Stephen) weren’t the first idiots to not fill up with petrol before making this leg of the journey.
We continued on…
I don’t know if it was the prayers, the gas tank gage isn’t accurate, or if Stephen is just one lucky guy but the car made it all the way to the station. When he was finished filling it (almost to the top), the pump read 64 liters. He has a 70-liter tank. Hell, we could have driven around the block a few times! Unnecessary stress. If Stephen had nine lives, he spent at least three of them clutching that steering wheel.
All’s well that ends well, but I won’t ever take an 8-day (or any amount of days) road trip with Stephen ever again. I’ve finally learned my lesson.
Another odd thing happened (okay, there were many odd things) on this trip. This is not a political post by any means but I happened to notice a familiar-looking flag (not even blowing – talk about brainwashing via marketing) while we were driving in the middle of nowhere and I mentioned it to Stephen. He quickly flipped a U-turn and we went back to investigate. It was in fact what I thought it was, a Trump flag. Obviously, I don’t know the whole story so maybe the owner of the flag is an American Expat or something, but I find it extremely bizarre that someone in Australia would be flying a flag for a political candidate in another country. I would highly doubt that an Anthony Albanese (Australia’s Prime Mister) flag is flying in America, Greece, or any other foreign country. It’s just weird. I understand supporting a sports team/club overseas but a political candidate? Baffling. Just posting this as food for thought. Carry on.
Below is a bunch of other “random stuff” that happened on this wild adventure…
Route: Yamba, New South Wales to Charters Towers, Queensland, and back to Yamba.
1. Eight days.
2. 3,899km (2,423 miles)
3. 49 hours of driving time – at least (please reference #11 for further details).
4. One time change – Two time zones.
5. One large paper map.
6. 7 tanks of gas. (I think, after the above incident happened Stephen started filling up more regularly)
7. Heaps of coffee. Possibly more coffee than petrol.
8. One flat tire.
8a. For two days prior to leaving I warned this knucklehead that the passenger rear tire was low. He basically blew me off. So I couldn’t help but laugh, and let him change it himself when it went flat. He did it in less than 10 minutes so don’t worry, he was fine.
8b. The best part was, we were driving in a construction zone on Gympie Road and as people were passing us, they were honking and pointing at the tire to let us know it was flat. Ha!
9. Two cracks in the windshield from random flying rocks.
10. Murdered 3 birds. A pigeon, a cockatoo, and a mystery fowl.
10a. The pigeon that hit the windshield made one of the cracks from the rocks even larger.
10b. The cockatoo flew into Stephen’s side window and scared him so badly that he jerked the wheel and we went off the road. He said, “these birds are on a suicide mission and we are the target!”
11. Two shortcuts that were definitely not shortcuts. I realized that when Stephen said, “well, how in the world did we get behind this big truck again?” 🙄 Stephen loves his shortcuts.
12. Lots of laughing. Lots of singing.
13. One Chinese buffet dinner that possibly contained bacteria-causing illnesses.
14. Wildlife sightings: three emus, one snake, one turtle, one rock wallaby (part of his tail was missing! Ouch), and one koala sleeping in a tree. Zero sightings of living kangaroos and sadly 6 deceased on the roadside.
15. 22 or so phone calls/texts to Simon (Stephen’s business partner) to share bizarre details of this disastrous trip and more laughing. He pointed out that these incidents are all cosmetic and not a show stopper. Simon is definitely the level-headed one in the group.
16. One squeaky wiper blade that did not work well…which made removing fowl blood and guts not possible and only spread them more.
18. One (very, very) shady motel.
19. Stephen’s car A/C was low on Freon…and it’s a cooker in the outback. Maybe we should have chosen a different vessel for this voyage.
20. One radio station in the entire outback with extremely spotty service. This is possibly the top reason I’m never traveling in the outback again without Satellite radio.
21. One Trump flag. Still weird typing this statement.
22. More laughing. More singing.
23. A wicked rainstorm with thunder and lightning in Charters Towers. It flooded the caravan park we were staying in and people had to move their RVs.
24. The water in the Great Barrier Reef was as hot as bath water. I’ve been swimming and snorkeling in the GBR before and don’t remember it being this warm. I’m sorry to say it was not refreshing. (sad face)
25. Airlie Beach is one of the most pretty places I’ve ever been but the heat and humidity are a killer. Still, add it to your bucket list…you won’t regret it.
26. We made a quick stop by the Bundaberg Ginger Beer Factory.
27. There really is nothing in the Australian Outback, except for the beautiful landscapes and a few rest stops here and there with a pay phone which you don’t have to pay for because all of them are free to use. So, it’s just a phone?
28. I saw a man, a dog, and a horse on the beach and the dog was carrying the lead rope.
29. It has been a very wet year in Queensland so the bush is abnormally green…according to the locals.
30. I haven’t decided if Stephen is the most lucky or unlucky guy I know.
I’m positive I’ve left out a thing or two.
So my original annoying question of, “are we there yet?” quickly changed to, “do we need gas?”
Below accurate depiction of me and Stephen on this trip performed by Melissa McCarthy and Jason Bateman in Identity Thief. 🎶🎶
Goodnight and much love from Australia! 🇦🇺
