I’ve been thinking a lot about change recently. Not only because it is a new year and I wrote about setting new intentions for my life, but because it has been such a consistent way of living for me over the last four years. I’ve changed addresses many times, had several different freelance jobs, started a business, new people have entered my life, and many people who I’ve known for years have exited, heck, I even bought and sold two cars in the last two years (for a profit I’m proud to say). All this change has actually been a little hectic and stressful if I’m truly honest about it.
Now more change is on my horizon. The 90 days I’m allowed to spend in the EU have almost ended, so I have to head off on my next adventure. Whether I like it or not. The government has the final say in this situation. Once again, I’ll pack my very large backpack and head off to the airport for my next destination. This particular change is bringing about a lot of emotion. I’m happy and excited about the new experiences that I will have, visiting dear friends I haven’t seen in a while, and enjoying the summer weather in the southern hemisphere, but also sad because I have to say Ciao to Luca (again). I am not fond of these goodbyes at the train station.
A few friends and I have been discussing change and how difficult it is to make a lasting change in one’s life. It requires a ton of effort. I’m sure someone smarter will correct me, but I think there are two types of change. 1. Circumstances in life that force you to change (like getting fired from a job) and, 2. Proactive change that you do yourself (finding a new job on your own). I’m more of a fan of number two but it feels like number one has been on my tail more and more lately.
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old,
but on building the new.” – Socrates
For the last few years, I’ve been working on overhauling my life. When I evaluated my life a couple of years ago, and I didn’t like what I saw. I noticed some major errors in my thinking and beliefs which were reflected in my physical reality. I realized I was acting in ways that were not in my best interest. Slowly and gradually, I’ve made tiny little adjustments. It’s taken time and patients to rework the direction of the deep wagon wheel ruts I had dug in my brain. It hasn’t been easy. Change is uncomfortable and challenges the status quo. It requires a great deal of awareness to notice when you are slipping back into old patterns and effort to point the compass toward the new destination. Not only does it disrupt your own nervous system and feel a little wonky (like you are doing something wrong), but it can upset those around you because it disrupts their familiar patterns of interacting with you.
I’m a believer that major growth can arise out of change. I can see it in my own life. I was a perpetual people pleaser and co-dependent. Not a good thing to be if you want to live a life of personal happiness and contentment. Every thought I had and decision I made (except for a few) was contingent on, whether or not I would make people happy and if they would like me. This is an unattainable goal. Not to mention, it’s exhausting. It’s a life of living outside of yourself. Finally, I hit rock bottom and decided to look at the reasons I felt the need to please everyone and how I became co-dependent. The answers were both gut-wrenching and insightful and they provided me with a starting point of what I needed to change. Beginning with my internal dialogue and setting boundaries. Do you know what happens when you start setting boundaries? You begin to see who is really in your corner and likes/loves you no matter what. Also, the people who benefited from your lack of boundaries get really angry – boy is it ugly – but that’s where the positive inner dialogue comes in and you learn to manage your emotions and regulate your nervous system. It offers a new space to be “okay” with not being liked or misunderstood. It’s a process and one I’m still working on but I like the new me.
I foresee a lot of changes in 2023 for me. Some of it will be a breeze and some of it will be a challenge but I’m ready and willing to face it. I’m prepared to finally make the changes and take some risks to accomplish a few of my own big goals and dreams that I’ve stowed away in a box in the back of my mind. I’m excited to unpack them and put them to good use.
What changes are you ready to make in your life?
Goodnight and much love from Italy! 🇮🇹 My next post will be from a new continent in another hemisphere. Onward and upward, dear friends.
