“Do not try to fix whatever comes into your life. Fix yourself in such a way that whatever comes, you will be fine.” Sadhguru
Today’s post is not about being fearful or spreading a fearful message but instead, it is about looking fear directly in the eye and making wise, solid decisions to address the fear and keep moving forward.
Warning: the topic of this post may trigger some readers so if you have any sensitivity to feeling unsafe from another person, specifically of the opposite gender, you might want to skip this post.
Writing this post has evolved over the last two days and it has not been easy. I write the stories in real time but post them at a later date in an effort to not divulge my exact location and protect my safety.
A few weeks ago, Kari, the woman who manages my business’s social media pages noticed a few odd and slightly uncomfortable posts from a male follower. Thankfully, she brought it to my attention and we along with my Cabinet (the people who I trust with my most intimate affairs – everyone should have a Cabinet) have been monitoring the situation.
Well, yesterday, I met this particular follower in the hostel in Vigo. Our interaction was very brief, strange, and uncomfortable for me. He never introduced himself but I knew from online photos exactly who he was. My internal alarm system sounded the bells at full blast, so I made the decision to leave the hostel immediately and check into a hotel with a doorman. When I left, I let the woman at the front desk of the hostel and the doorman at the hotel know of the situation. There was no possible way I would be able to shower or sleep in a communal hostel after this encounter. I didn’t care about losing the money on the hostel or paying additional money for a hotel. I also didn’t care if I looked like a crazy person for leaving a place I’d just checked into. My safety is what is most important.
I am a communicator by nature. It’s how I process things personally (I’m always bouncing ideas/situations off of my two best friends and my father) but it’s also how I bring light to the darkness. And this situation felt dark so I want to talk about it and bring the light.
Not only did I call my friends and dad from the safety of my hotel room to discuss the situation and options for the next steps, but I also emailed my therapist and texted a couple of friends here in Europe. Some situations are too triggering for us as humans because of previous experiences so we may not be able to see all sides of the cube and need help doing so. This is that kind of situation for me. I was frightened and I felt paralyzed.
Everyone was wonderful, compassionate, and encouraging. They offered their support not only emotionally and with sound advice but with action steps. One friend offered to host me at their home in Europe until I got a plan together. Another friend offered to pay for a flight with airline points if I needed it tonight or tomorrow morning, but the most important message was from my therapist. He talked me through finding my own power within and not letting fear overpower me. I am equipped to handle this situation and the options are many.
I’m not going to go into great detail about the events that led up to this encounter or this person, but I am here on the Camino and living this situation. So while some people might say I over reacted or I’m being dramatic. I am not. I am doing what is best for me and my physical safety and emotional well-being.
For the group (especially people with a public persona) I want to share the action steps that I took or am taking to make sure I am safe so I can continue my Camino because that is what I am choosing to do. We can all learn from each others stories.
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I don’t feel that the situation requires the police at this stage. He has not done anything criminal and maybe he is a nice person, who knows? Maybe I’ve misinterpreted his motives. I’m fine with being the one to make a mistake and misinterpret someone’s actions but I am not okay with ignoring my intuition. I will do what is best for my personal safety even if it appears dramatic to some.
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I told people. I made my Cabinet aware of the situation from the beginning. I shared the person’s name and photographs with them in case something (God forbid) did escalate.
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Kari and I are in daily contact about the social media pages and have created a file with screenshots of the messages. She is my vault. I am beyond thankful for her help.
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I adjusted my hiking and travel schedule to always be ahead of where I am posting.
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When I met him and my intuition screamed. I removed myself from the situation immediately. I chose a hotel but if you don’t have the funds for a hotel, the police and fire stations always have a bed available for pilgrims, as well as churches.
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I discussed and wrote down all my options. I could quit the Camino and go to another city or country. Stay a few extra days in Vigo to create distance. Write about the situation, publicly – which felt very scary and vulnerable at first. Go back to the States. Keep walking and make sure I’m with other people at all times. Confront him the next time I see him. And so on. There are a lot of choices. I think we forget this during a triggering situation.
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Remind myself that I have plenty of time. There is no need to make a decision tonight. I am safe.
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Sleep. I always have a clearer perspective after I’ve gotten a good night’s rest.
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Make step by step decisions. I decided to stay on the Camino. I decided to spend another night in Vigo to create some space. I decided that even though I wanted to walk the entire Camino alone (a first time for me), that is not a smart choice at this stage so I will find some other people to walk with tomorrow and every day after.
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I also texted the few pilgrims on the Camino that I have connected with and see regularly to let them know what happened and my plans moving forward. Safety comes in groups.
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All of these decisions are made out of self-care.
I made a video a couple of weeks ago about how I’ve always felt safe on a Camino. I still feel that the Camino is a safe place and a wonderful way to travel especially as a female solo hiker. But with that said, we (especially the ladies) need to be heads up and eliminate opportunities for people to make us feel unsafe or potentially harm us. This is our/my responsibility. I’m not sure what this guy’s intentions are but I don’t get a good vibe from him after observing his behavior online and now in person. I could be wrong but I’m not going to take that chance. But at the same time, I refuse to allow someone to intimidate me and knock me off course. We all should be able to live our lives freely.
With all of that said, I’m happy to meet and chat with the readers of my blog. I am so thankful for each of you and your support. I like the community we’ve built online. What I’m not okay with is someone trying to intimidate me or play mind games.
So today, I took a rest day in Vigo and I enjoyed watching the pilgrims walk out of the city from my hotel room. I did all of my laundry at the laundromat (oh goodness clean smelling clothes makes me happy), and I ate (part of) a delicious cheese platter and drank a glass of wine in thr afternoon. I relaxed and rested, feeling confident in my decisions and new plan moving forward.
Even in the most trying of situations, we can bring the light, be the light, and still find joy. The more we share our stories, the more we remove the fear and darkness. I hope by sharing this post, that it brings awareness and a sense of confidence, power, and control over your own life when these uncomfortable situations arise.
Goodnight and much love from Spain! 🇪🇸
PS: I know many of you care about my well-being and have strong opinions about this situation, but please trust that I am making the best decisions for me. There is no need to send emails scolding me or telling me that I should be making different choices. Thank you.
PPS: If you’d like a book on developing and listening to your intuition and learning to trust the “gift” of your gut instinct, check out Gavin de Becker’s book, The Gift of Fear.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_of_Fear
Scenes from Day 32
