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“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.” Eckhart Tolle
Today marks the second day in a row that we haven’t walked the Via Transilvanica. Instead, we’ve taken a taxi because I still haven’t been feeling well.
I can’t begin to describe the battle that’s been raging inside my own head over this decision.
It’s funny how the mind works. Yesterday, I didn’t think twice about climbing into a taxi. Today? It feels completely different. Suddenly, my inner critic has a microphone and won’t stop talking.
The internal struggle is real.
I came to Romania to hike the Via Transilvanica, not ride alongside it in the backseat of a car.
Once again, life is reminding me that plans are just suggestions.
The real challenge isn’t hiking hundreds of kilometers. It’s learning to surrender to what is instead of desperately hanging on to what I wish were happening.
I’m a fixer by nature. When something goes wrong, I want to solve it immediately. Find a creative solution. Check every box. Follow every instruction. Ultimately, find the fastest way back to normal.
It’s a constant tug-of-war between wanting to control the situation and accepting the experience for what it is. The truth is, I can’t control everything…even when I try my hardest.
I’ve done everything I can. I’ve gone to the doctor. I’ve taken the antibiotics. I’ve rested. I’ve stayed hydrated.
The only thing left to do is wait.
And waiting may be the hardest part.
Healing doesn’t happen on my schedule.
As we drove along the route instead of walking it, my mind flooded with thoughts.
I should be walking.
I feel like a failure.
I’m letting myself down.
Am I disappointing Massimo?
After all, he flew here to hike across Romania, not to bounce around the countryside in taxis because his hiking partner isn’t feeling well.
Massimo, however, has been nothing short of incredible.
I told him several times that he should continue hiking without me and I’d meet him at the next accommodation. I even offered to carry his larger backpack in the taxi so he could hike with only a daypack. I know how much he loves being on the trail.
But every time, he gave me the same answer. He wanted to stay with me and make sure I was okay.
It’s incredibly kind, and of course he’s perfectly capable of making his own decisions. Still, that little voice of guilt keeps whispering that I’m somehow holding him back.
Then my thoughts drifted to all of you. I worried that I was disappointing my readers too. Would they think I hadn’t really hiked the Via Transilvanica? Do they think I’m weak and a failure for not pushing myself harder?
It’s amazing how much pressure we put on ourselves to meet expectations, many of which exist only in our own imagination.
Maybe that’s the biggest lesson hiding in all of this. Life rarely unfolds according to plan. Bodies get sick. Flights get canceled. It rains. Sandals break. Expectations fall apart. Doors close. New ones open. On and on… And sometimes the bravest thing we can do isn’t to push through the pain, it’s to surrender to the situation, the emotions, and the experience…and to put aside the journey we imagined.
We can spend our energy fighting reality, or we can accept it and keep moving forward doing our best in whatever way we can.
The Via Transilvanica is still here.
The kilometers and miles will still be waiting for us. We still have many (many) more ahead. Missing 60 km doesn’t make this any less of a hike. It simply means those particular kilometers were experienced through the window of a taxi instead of beneath our hiking sandals.
Maybe that’s true of life, too.
Sometimes moving forward doesn’t look the way we expected. Sometimes progress is slower. Sometimes it’s messier. Sometimes it requires us to ask for help instead of pushing through. And sometimes, it means a day of doing nothing but resting.
Today, the lesson isn’t about putting one foot in front of the other. It’s about accepting that sometimes the journey asks something entirely different of us – surrendering to what is.
Maybe that’s the most important step of all.
We played many games of Machiavelli while it rained and Massimo is catching up. Which he is clearly happy about…and I am not.
Massimo: 8 | Emily: 11
Much love & gratitude. Namaste 🙏
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