“Getting to the top is optional. Getting down is mandatory.” – Ed Viesturs
Like an IDIOT, I hiked a volcano after yoga on Friday.
Apparently, my FOMO is bigger than I thought.
I had agreed to this outing a few days prior. Several of us wanted to go on Sunday, our day off, but scheduling conflicts between the yogis pushed our hike forward to Friday. I had two reasons why this sounded like a bad idea – for me personally. One, we would be going after a two-hour yoga class on my fifth day in a row of a new practice and my hamstrings were so tight I could barely touch my knees as it was, and, two, we would be hiking in the middle of the day.
We started at straight up noon. Bugger.
Eddie our driver/coconut man drove, Shubi from India, Heather from the States, Marie from France, and me up to the starting point of Mount Batur, an ACTIVE VOLCANO (after breakfast of course – a girl’s gotta eat). For those of you who didn’t click on the link – this is an official UNESCO site.
We had three options for this excursion. The short route, a 1.5-hour roundtrip, the middle route – 3 hours r/t, and the long route – 4 hours r/t. We collectively agreed on the middle hike. We paid our money, 300,000 rupiahs ($20 USD each), met our unassuming hiking guide Ketut, a cute 20-something Balinese guy who didn’t speak much English, and off we went.
The first 250 meters or so was a blacktop paved road and then began the climb. Shubi dropped out after about 15 minutes. I did manage to get a couple of photos of her before she escaped back down the hill to the car and Eddie.
It was hot as Hades with the sun directly on us and the terrain was basically loose lava rock, as you’d expect when climbing an ACTIVE VOLCANO. I about slide off the side twice. I contemplated life and death in those moments and realized this might be a fun obituary headline. Middle-aged woman plummets to death off the side of an ACTIVE VOLCANO. FOMO no more.
I lathered up with sunscreen before we started but I’m sure I sweat it off in the first 10 minutes because now I have a lovely red burn line on my chest and back – because I forgot to bring a different shirt for hiking and a hat. Oy vey.
Ketut walks this thing at least once a day so he made it look easy and Marie basically flew up the hill. I’ve said it once and I will say it forever, French women are mountain goats and the ultimate Superwomen on the planet. If reincarnation does exist, I’m coming back as a French woman.
Heather and I took turns picking up the rear. I would do the old, “I’m gonna take a photo of this beautiful landscape, you go ahead” trick to suck in some extra air and cuss at myself under my breath for being such a dumbass.
When we were about halfway up we stopped to rest for a minute and honestly the landscape was stunning. Worth the walk and I could have stopped right there and felt fulfilled. It overlooked Lake Batur and the little fishing villages. Everything was lush and green and the sky, thankfully, was bright blue and not raining. Cause that would have ended this hike immediately.
After our quick (too quick in my opinion) break, we made it to the base of the crater where a lovely woman was selling snacks and drinks. What a job. I wondered if she had to carry the coolers and boxes of food up and down the hill or if there was a donkey hiding behind the shed somewhere. Some questions I’ll never get an answer to.
The inside of the crater was beautiful and hot…as in it was steaming because we were on the rim of an ACTIVE VOLCANO.
After we snapped some photos and videos of the gorgeous big steaming hole, Ketut told us we still had more to hike…because we chose the medium hike and this was the end of the short version. Why do I do this to myself?
As we were hiking up the next section, we noticed some monkeys in the distance. Okay, I need to clarify some things, I like monkeys. They are cute and look sweet and I want to cuddle them, but in reality, they are scavengers who will rip your arm off if you have food, drinks, or a shiny phone. They ran up on us quickly. When Ketut said “monkeys” I took off. There is absolutely nothing that will make my ass run up an ACTIVE VOLCANO faster than a wild monkey (or wild anything for that matter) chasing me. I blew past Heather, then Marie, and even Ketut. I was gone.
Side note: This shows my true character. I say I’m a team player but not when it comes to wild bears or monkeys, etc. You are on your own.
We made it to the top of the rim and the little beasts were still with us. They are smart, they know the drill. The guides carry eggs and cook them in little pockets of the ACTIVE VOLCANO. It’s part of the package; you get a guide, a boiled egg, a bottle of water, and extremely sore legs on this journey. Yeah, you can boil an egg in the side of this mountain…why…because the steam is so hot…and it’s an ACTIVE VOLCANO.
We had to wait 20 minutes for the eggs to boil. There were benches all around the top because some nuts like to hike this thing in the dark to watch the sunrise. I could barely make it with a full view. I can’t imagine only being able to see directly in front of your feet. Who is going to warn you about the monkeys?
So while we waited, the monkeys left and I took this opportunity to take a cat nap on one of the benches until a rogue monkey returned and scared the bejesus out of me. Break time was over. With eggs intact, we started to make our way down the mountain. We couldn’t eat them at the top because the monkeys would for sure rip off one of our limbs.
Did you know that going down an ACTIVE VOLCANO is worse than going up? Well, it is. Going up is harder on the lungs but down is hard on the entire body. Not to mention the loose rock is even worse to navigate. Thankfully, Ketut decided to take us down “the road”.”
Wait, hold it one minute. There is a road?
Well, that explains the cooler dilemma I was turning over in my brain for half the hike. Turns out it wasn’t much better but it was a little wider and not as steep and the view was not as good. We made it to a stopping point to eat the eggs. You know, protein and energy.
After that, we had an hour back down the hill where Eddie (everyone needs an Eddie in their life) and Shubi were waiting for us. Thank goodness because I didn’t know if I could take one more step. I crushed the 10,000-step goal on my watch easily during this adventure.
We all jumped in the van and headed to our next destination. A much more enjoyable place. The Batur Natural Hot Springs. Heaven on Earth. The pools felt amazing and the panorama was breathtaking…I was still trying to catch my breath after that hike so I needed to relax.
In true form of the day, I not only forgot my shirt and hat for hiking but I also forgot my flip-flops for the pools. Thankful this place was super clean so it wasn’t that big of a deal.
After a long day, we headed back to Ubud. Heather and Marie were tired so they went home but Shubi and I went out for dinner. It was the last night I would be able to see her before she went home so we made the most of it. I already miss Shubi. Although our paths only crossed for a week, she made a lasting impression on me and gave me some advice that changed the way I look at life. I’m eternally grateful.
So folks, in conclusion, it turns out that it wasn’t such an idiotic decision after all. Now that my body has had a little rest, I realize that the memories made on that trip with three incredible women from around the globe is what living this life is all about.
Carpe diem!
Goodnight and much love from Bali! 🇮🇩
