Today I signed up for an Italian language class. I start Monday. I’m a little terrified. I’m nervous I’ll fail and not be able to learn it…and look like an idiot in class. As a 44-year-old woman, this seems a little silly, knowing that on a grander scale learning a new language is a process and one that takes time but there is a little person inside of me who still has insecure feelings. The adult me also knows that this is not a good thought pattern to have when going to a new school to learn a new subject. So, this weekend I’m working on my mental game and personal belief system before I begin my new studies next week. I don’t know which is harder, changing the way my brain is wired regarding my self image or the new language. Maybe they somehow are connected. I don’t know.
I’ve spent much of my life learning and working on being a better version of myself. I’ve read countless self-help books and watched even more YouTube videos on the subject. Somewhere along the line when I was younger, I acquired the self-defeating belief “I’m just not good enough the way I am” and I’ve spent what feels like an eternity trying to shake it. Self-improvement is probably the number one thing I work on daily. To be honest, it’s exhausting sometimes. Is there ever an end?
I’ve told this story a bazillion times, but for those new to the room, here you go. I was a hospice volunteer from the age of 26 to roughly 31. It changed my life in countless and immeasurable ways. I wanted to help people but I was also very curious. I wanted to know all the secrets of life and how the book ends. Give me a shortcut and I’ll take it (unless when hiking with Stephen on the Camino). Where better to go for the answers than to sit and visit for hours with people who are about to make the most significant transition we as humans will ever make. Why is it that looking back seems to provide clarity that you can never get in the moment?
My first two patients taught me a great deal about life…specifically, “how to live it fully before you croak,” as one of them put it so candidly. They told me to write down all the things that “light me up” – stuff I’d like to do before I die – things that set my heart ablaze…i.e. the good ole “bucket list.” So I did, and I’ve continued adding to it over the years. Currently, it’s 16 pages and organized by categories (nerd alert! I’ve completed about 1/4 of it) – it includes items like; places I want to visit or live, people I’d like to meet, career goals, live events I’d like to attend, adventures I’d like to experience…stuff like that. Plus, there is a category for self-improvement. Things like learning to speed read, journaling daily, playing the piano (again), increasing my vocabulary, improving my yoga practice, learning a new language, and so on.
So here I am for the umpteenth time trying to learn a new language – this time, Italian. Yes, I’ve used Rosetta Stone and other online apps, yes, I’ve taken a language class before (actually many times), yes, I’ve had a private tutor…and yes, I’ve even tried practicing with the locals in a foreign country where they speak the language. Luca has been encouraging and practicing with me as well this time around. But for some reason, not much is sticking in this brain of mine. Oh sure, I have little bits and pieces of several languages wedged in my noggin but I’ve never reached the level of a true fluent second language – my dream. I’m sure my third-grade classmates would tell me it’s because I’m blonde. Or maybe I just haven’t dedicated enough time to it. But I think a big piece of the puzzle is, it’s my own belief system that is holding me back – and maybe it’s starts with that little seed from the third grade – ugh – why do we do this to each other? I do have one important but not dream-ending limitation working against me, my hearing. It is not as sharp as it used to be after working so many concerts. Even with earplugs, you can only block out so much sound when you are standing right in front of a speaker next to the stage during a skeleton rattling AC/DC concert. Apparently, the damage is permanent. Other than that tiny hiccup, I think the “negative and limiting thinking habits” are the true culprit holding me back and blocking my progress.
Time to change those negative beliefs into positive ones.
As an adult, I’m going to own up to this responsibility. This weekend I plan on working on my mental game to prepare myself for this new class. Due to the holidays, I only have three weeks of class, and want to make the most of the opportunity. I want to be excited instead of fearful about attending it. I want to jump in exuberantly with both feet and soak up all the knowledge I can. I want to feel confident walking into the classroom.
My plan – I’m going to say positive affirmations to myself throughout the day – “I’m smart and capable of learning a new language.” I will practice saying the Italian words I do know, out loud and in the mirror – buongiorno, ciao, grazie, bellissima, prego, buonanotte, etc. I will be careful and make sure I’m only watching, listening, and reading things/information that keeps my vibe high – any negativity starts to creep in and I’m changing the channel or turning the page. I’m going to move my body to get all the cells awake and working – yoga and stretching – and joyfully (another affirmation) walking up and down the FOUR flights of stairs to the apartment I rented just around the corner from the school. I’m going to eat healthy to get all the nutrients I can for this capable brain of mine. I will get at least seven to eight hours of sleep each night – rest is best. I will watch some YouTube videos on tips for learning Italian – Margherita is my favorite. And finally, I will spend a little time daydreaming about how good it will feel when I can finally speak Italian fluently…especially conversing with Luca.
Wish me luck.
And if anyone has any suggestions or personal stories on this topic, send them my way.
On a personal note, I would also like to say thank you to Paola Vojnovic for telling me about this language school – Parola – which has amazing reviews online. Paola is a Renaissance art historian and consultant for culture in Italy. My friend Katie from the US was visiting Florence a few weeks ago with her family and invited us to a presentation on Florence that Paola gave at their AirB&B. It was wonderful and very thorough – 5 stars. On your next visit to Florence, I highly recommend her as a guide. Here is her website.
Goodnight and much love from Florence. 🇮🇹
Buonanotte e tanto amore da Firenze. ❤️
